My uterus is pissed off...

Well, that's not QUITE how they put it at labor and delivery last night but that basically sums it up.

I started having contractions at 1:00 yesterday afternoon. I didn't think much of them, because they had happened randomly in the past couple weeks and stopped when I drank a ton of water, took a hot bath or lied down in bed. We told our perinatologist (Dr. Watson, whom we lurrrrve) about them, and he said to expect them to a certain point because of my previa and that he wasn't worried unless they got pretty strong or constant or weren't relieved my any of my contraction solutions.

Let me backtrack, because I realized I haven't updated in awhile and I am getting ahead of myself, which is typical and how my brain works... I am now 28 weeks along. At our last week's ultrasound, Noah weighed 2 lbs, 11 oz (which is big for his age, yippee!) and looked awesome. Every time he gets an ultrasound or doppler, they always comment on how overly active he is. Part of it is that he cannot stand any type of monitoring at all and follows around the probes kicking/punching them as hard as he can. Seriously annoyed. So he looks good, but my previa hadn't moved at all. Still smack dab over my cervix, basically centered. Super awesome. So we were given a bunch of different scenarios and here's how they go:

1. I am now on bed rest. I can go out to dinner or to a movie, though, and can shower and feed myself from the fridge, which is nice. No working, which is a WHOLE 'nother can of worms. The point of bed rest is to minimize the weight of Noah on my placenta/cervix so that I can hopefully last longer without a major bleed.

2. Starting now, I can expect a bleed at any time. It will happen because of Noah's weight on my cervix and as the cervix softens. The farther along I am, the more likely I'll bleed. It could be where it starts light and buys me time to get to the hospital, or, more likely, where it just starts gushing like a fire hose. Awesome. I think McSexy almost passed out over that description. We are hoping for the slow trickle where we have time to drive 15 minutes to the ER without getting our new car (PILOT peeps, super happy) completely bloody. We'll see.

3. If the bleeding starts, they'll try to stop it and if successful, keep me at the hospital on bed rest as long as possible (until 1. I bleed again or 2. get an amnio and his lungs are strong enough for delivery). If they can't stop it, they'll deliver him right away, no matter how far along we are. Boo. Too leeetle.

4. If I make it to 33 weeks (Jan 30th), I get another ultrasound to see what is happening, his position, etc. If things look good, I'll get an amnio and deliver soon after that, around 34 weeks.

5. Best case scenario and one we want specific prayers for: no bleeding, and then amnio w/ good result and delivery at 35 weeks. They won't let me go beyond that because then you are basically asking for hemorrhaging and an emergency section, which would really suck.

So, that is the situation. Alot of scenarios, and difficult for me to deal with, because I am a planner and hate not having a sure timeline, but there's literally nothing we can do....

So anyway, back to yesterday. Jason is out buying me a new car at a dealership about 30 minutes to an hour away depending on traffic. I start having contractions, and proceed with all of my usual tricks - bathing, drinking water, lying down, etc. But these feel a bit different than before because even when I am not contracting, my lower back is KIIIIIILLLLLIIIIINNNNNGGGG me. Like a achey muscle at best, being stabbed with an ice pick at worse and there is constant dull pain punctuated by the sharp pain of the contractions. We were babysitting Boo Boo, and he and Madison were standing over me - she licking and pacing, him howling right in my face. It was lovely. They were freaked out (don't ask about Duke - he was sleeping in a little egocentric ball). When I moved to the tub, Madison literally would not leave my side. She stood by the bathtub staring at me. But I kept thinking - oh, they'll go away in a bit, lalalalalala. I'm a moron.

Well, actually, they did subside for a little bit. "Take that beetches!" was what I was thinking. Sort of in the middle of this, Jason and his dad drove the car he wanted to buy out to me to inspect, and I was having contractions the whole time. My commentary on the car went like this, "The exterior is really great, I would say excellent condition.... OH MY F-ING GOD I AM GOING TO DIE whooo whoo whoooo... But I wouldn't rate the leather as "excellent" condition and they need to fix the vents so you need to talk them down... THIS SUCKS THIS IS NOT NORMAL I AM GOING TO DIE!" I would say gold star for me for checking out the car during those episodes. Jason was SLIGHTLY freaked out, but I was OH SO SURE they would be subsiding soon that I sent him on his way to put an offer on the car and so on and so forth, with my friend Becky on call in case something happened.

They did go away for an hour, like I said, and I thought I had one upped them. The problem was when they came back. By the time I realized that they were happening closer and closer together, I called Jason to see where he was on the drive home and he hadn't even left the dealership. WTF?!!! He dumped the paperwork there and left right away but by then I was crying in pain. I tried the bath again, no avail. Jason called me back to say that he had called my friend Amy's husband to come get me and take me to the hospital because he was super stuck in traffic. CJ came within a few minutes and Jason met us at the hospital. Thank God for CJ, but now I think he's never going to let Amy have a baby. Sorry, friend.

So, I'll hurry up now because this is a boring story anyway. We were whisked away to labor and delivery (a small perk of a high risk pregnancy - no time in the ER). I WAS having contractions, which at least I was right about that. Being the first time I've had them, I wasn't sure, ya know? My uterus was super "irritated" and showing constant little tiny motions between the larger peaks, so that is why the pain was pretty much constant with not much relief. Noah was kicking away and letting everyone know he was NOT pleased with the monitors, but the nurses were thrilled by him, so he really got the opposite reaction that he wanted. (Sidenote: my nurses were INCREDIBLE! Explained everything, were so, so nice, waited on us hand and foot, gave us a ton of good advice and info about previa. Oh, I loved them so. So glad we will be there for delivery!) Anyway, they got a hold of my doctor, who basically said there is nothing they can do other than wait for a bleed. I guess that uteruses don't approve of previa and express that by contracting and causing lots of trouble so I'll just continue to have these episodes up until delivery. They could have given me meds to stop the contractions, but we didn't want to do that if possible. They couldn't check my cervix because that is a big no no with previa, so everyone basically just flies blind until the bleeding starts, which they didn't think was going to happen unless I kept contracting like that for another day or so.

So we went home. Jason got me McDonalds and I spilled my fries all over the car and then I cried. BUT this morning the contractions had stopped so I am laying here, still as ice, praying that they never come back.



The end.

Awkward is putting it lightly...

So we are not doing pregnancy photos. I thought that I might want to, but at this point I am just trying to make it through this pregnancy without consuming to constant exhaustion/pain and with a healthy, relatively normal sized baby. Both are taking all my energy. This has also been a very nerve-wracking, stressful experience for me and while I REALLY want my baby, I don't exactly want to remember the pregnancy. Plus I feel fat. Plus I am too lazy. My brother-in-law suggested family photos and I about hit the roof. McSexy hurriedly squelched the proposal while I screeched in the background (while I stomped my feet - not my finest moment), "HE HAS GOT TO BE FREAKING KIDDING ME WHY THE #$%^ WOULD HE PICK THE FATTEST TIME OF MY LIFE TO DO PHOTOS WHEN I AM PALE AND LOOK LIKE A HAG AND BARELY SHOWER AND CAN'T STAND FOR MORE THAN 5 MINUTES WITHOUT THROBBING THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL YOU BETTER PUT AN END TO THAT IDEA I AM HAVING ENOUGH OF A PROBLEM INCUBATING THIS BABY! $%#^ NO!" And then I started crying. Luckily, my mother-in-law backed me up and was just as horrified - "Leave Katie alone!" were her exact words. There was no way. So, I don't really feel like doing pregnancy photos, but I wish I did. Please don't hate me, Noah. I really love you, just not the process of getting you!

BUT, I am able to appreciate the beautiful pregnancy photos that others do, including these gems...


Enjoy.

Cloth Diapering

I am SLIGHTLY obsessed with cloth diapers. My friend Shanda has cloth diapered both of our Godsons, and FOR US, there is no other choice. They are better for the environment, more economical ($500 on the high end for a stash (incl. wipes) that will last for ALL your kids. As opposed to $2,000/child for 'sposies) and better for baby than disposables (no yucky chemicals or diaper rashes), not to mention CUTER! I am not judging those who go the disposable route, since we will probably rotate in some 'sposies for things like camping and vacations, but in general, McSexy and I are both committed to primarily cloth diapering (and using cloth wipes as well).

I'll admit - at first it was very overwhelming to me. All-in-ones, fitteds, pockets, prefolds, covers, PLU... EEE GAWDS! I am lucky to have Shanda to walk me through (with concrete examples) each type and her personal experience (pros and cons) of each. I can see how just trying to understand cloth diapers would be enough for people to throw up their hands in frustration and give up entirely. Seriously.

Shanda is starting us out with a whole stash of newborn fitteds (these are diapers that are shaped and work JUST like disposables, except you need to purchase a diaper cover to go on top because the diaper outside is not waterproof). If Noah is too premature, he won't be able to fit them until he grows a little bit, so we'll probably use disposables in the hospital and until he gets big enough to use them (or unless we can find something else temporarily).

After he grows out of the fitteds, I plan on just purchasing different types to see what works best for us. I like the idea of the pockets because they don't need separate covers, so we'll see how those work out for us.

Anyway, the point of this post is to provide some quick cloth diapering links that have helped me navigate cloth diapering choices or offered a wide variety of options for cloth diapering.

Cloth Diapers 101 - a comprehensive description of the different types. I don't like that they don't have pictures to match the descriptions, but at least this is a good reference.

Moms Milk Boutique - they have so many options! What I really like is their trial system that provides parents with a variety of cloth diapers to "rent" for a month (only $20) so that parents can experiment and see which ones work best for their baby. Really amazing deal and BRILLIANT!

SimpleMom.net - Have I posted about Simple Mom being the best site EVA? It is all about conscientious, purposeful, reflective parenting. Every year they do a cloth diaper series that explains the ins and outs of cloth diapering. This resource has been the single most helpful in helping me understand and navigate my choices. They also explain about how to launder cloth diapers, how to put them on (maybe for the dads? because they are pretty self explanatory!) and some of the reasons people might be persuaded to cloth diaper at least part time. I love this site.

This is one of Shanda's diapers. Noah has one just like this. I am obsessed. In the summer, this is all he's gonna wear. Don't be reporting me to CPS, m-kay?

On one blog (probably Simple Mom since I am a fanatic), a reader made a comment and pointed out that even if you substitute one cloth diaper a day and continue to use disposables the rest of the time, you will still save 365 diapers from our landfills. That put it into perspective for me - any little bit we do helps the environment (and our pocketbooks!).

I am FAR from a cloth diapering expert. But as I learn more, and find what works for us, I'll be happy to share!

Thanksgiving Tradition

I have been pretty tired from work (and technically not supposed to be doing much in the evenings anyway) but today was a SNOW DAY! A teacher's biggest DREEEEEAM!!!! So I have been busy cleaning, organizing and cooking. I am starting to panic a bit about bed rest and all I have to do before going on it in a few weeks so I am slowly trying to work on organizing our closets and rooms and deep cleaning (though we do plan on hiring a housekeeper while I am on bed rest so I don't go insane and cry about my dirty house). But the organization needs to be done before that and Noah's room as well. OY!

In addition to being pretty productive today cleaning, I also got a fair amount of cooking done for Thanksgiving. We are bringing a pumpkin pie and walnut pie to my parents' house and they have to be good - my parents are big foodies and the food is always superb so I have big expectations to meet in terms of dessert. For Jason's family's Thanksgiving meal, I am bringing an old family favorite that my mom has made for as long as I can remember. This has been one of my most loved dishes since I was little, and I always looked forward to it every year. My mom is making it for our family, but I thought it would be nice to share it will Jason's family as well. Here is the recipe if you peeps would want to try it out (Christmas maybe?)!

Cranberry Jello Salad (my mom always doubles it, and I would recommend that, as well!)

1 6oz package raspberry jello
2 cups red wine (can be crappy)
16 oz. whole cranberry sauce (drained)
8 oz crushed pineapple (drained)
1/2 cup crushed walnuts plus some for decoration
2 cups whipped topping
1 8oz package cream cheese (softened)
Tablespoon of grated orange rind

Prepare jello according to instructions, except substitute the cold water with the red wine. Once mixed, pour into 9 x 13 pan (is that the size of that longer baking pan?). Set aside. Mix cranberry sauce, pineapple and walnuts, mix into jello. Cover and refrigerated overnight. The next day (do this on the day you plan to serve), mix whipped topping, softened cream cheese and orange rind. Spread on top of jello mixture, sprinkle with more crushed walnuts, and serve! Yum.

Giving Thanks

From the worst blogger on the planet. I suck at life. This is why.


Well, school has been busy (with 14 boys, ya know!). Pregnancy has been brutal (finally felt better two weeks ago at 21 weeks!). We have been especially busy preparing for Noah, and have some new updates (which I am trying to view positively - see below!), but I thought I would take the time to participate in the 25 Things I Am Thankful For list that is so popular. Technically you are supposed to list one per day for the whole month of November until Thanksgiving, but I am a slacker. So here goes.

1. I am thankful for my McSexy, who gave me this cute little baby boy and without whom, I never would have survived this pregnancy (or the last one). Or at least I would not have eaten, showered, cleaned house, walked the dogs, etc. for the last five plus months. He is a saint. Say-aint. Saint.

2. I am thankful for my cute little Noah who looks just like daddy. I am thankful that he is finally tolerating vegetables, kicks me regularly every night and that he has continued to grow and fight. Thank you, Baby.

3. I am thankful for the medical advances that caught my complete placenta previa BEFORE labor (which would not have been good, no no). Even though my condition has actually worsened, I am thankful that we have c-sections to get my little man out safely, thankful for specialists that know how to recognize and treat my complications, thankful for the NICU where Noah will likely spend his first few weeks. Without modern medicine, Noah and I would both be dead by March. So, I am thankful.

4. Even though no one wants a preemie and I am hoping he stays in until 34 weeks (when they drag his poor, unprepared body out, waaaaaa), I am thankful that I at least get to meet Noah earlier than expected. Would I prefer he stay in there to term? Yes. But trying to find the positive, people!

5. I am thankful for amazing insurance that has covered and will cover all of our medical expenses. I pray for those that face health complications with poor or no insurance. You can see how it can absolutely destroy people.

6. I am thankful for my job, which has been nothing but accommodating, flexible, understanding and comfortable with ambiguity throughout my whole pregnancy. I am lucky to work in a school that believes so strongly in children and families that they actually adhere to their convictions in their employment policies, regardless of what it means for them financially or otherwise. I am thankful to work in a place of integrity.

7. I am thankful for my munchkins and parents, who are so supportive each and every day. My kiddos LOVE Noah (write him love notes, sing to him, read to him, fiercely protect him) and my parents rush to help me out in any way they can. I am thankful to be part of such a wonderful community. And my kids are hilarious. Seriously. What kids think about how my pregnant belly is going to get so big that it curls around itself? And ponder how will I be able to run with a curly belly. Seriously.

8. I am thankful for my friends and family who are already planning (or changing their plans!) to help me out during my impending bed rest at 27 weeks! We have been offered meals, house cleaning, visits, books, etc. It makes things less overwhelming knowing we have so much help if we need it!

9. I am thankful that MS and I both have good, stable jobs, especially in this time of unemployment and financial upheaval. Thank you, GOD!

10. I am thankful for a warm house and good food. So many do not have either of these things, and I think we take them for granted much of the time. I do anyway. Especially now that it is snowing outside and I am particularly hungry (ALL. THE. TIME), I am thankful for shelter and meals.

11. I am thankful for my education that has allowed me to be in a career that I think will make me that much better of a mother. My degrees are in little people. It has to help, right?

12. I am thankful to have a husband that has a similar parenting philosophy as I. I am thankful that he is interested in birth, and attachment, and breastfeeding and freely reads these books to be better prepared for our baby. I am glad that he will be there to advocate for Noah and what we feel is right even if I am slightly incapacitated at first. Noah, you are a lucky little man!

13. I am thankful for my puppies, who are angels and precious and the biggest cuddle bugs in the whole wide world. Thank you, God, for sending me these particular dogs, who are a perfect fit for Jason and I and who we love so deeply. They make our lives more entertaining and lovely each and every day. Wuv my widdle doggies.

14. And my ratty girl. Who is highly entertaining and eternally patient as her life is threatened daily by 20 kinders. Best. Rat. Ever.

OMG, HOW MANY MORE????? Snap. Ok, we are going to get quick and random and trivial.

15. Thankful for Eggnog Lattes. Yes I am. And the money to buy them.

16. Thankful for snow. And snow-days, which I know we are going to have tomorrow. RIGHT? RIGHT? For all that is holy, please! Teachers everywhere are on their knees BEGGING!

17. Ugg boots. And for places in New Jersey that clean your brand-new, muddy Ugg boots when a certain Malamute puppy jumps on them. I love you, place in New Jersey.

18. Pumpkin candles.

19. My church, which inspires me with its commitment to community, Biblical scholarship, service, the environment and social justice. Gooooooo MOTA! Sorry you are 19th, meant for you to be earlier but I forgot. Lame.

20. Books. Teaching books, birthing/breastfeeding books, novels. Excellent children's books that inspire my kids to read over and over and over. I'll also throw libraries in there. Teachers would die without libraries. And inter-library loan. And holds. I love me some books.

21. Hiking, camping, swimming, etc. And for living in Oregon, where it is the best place to do these things.

22. Cloth diapers. Best thing to happen to the environment since organic. And I am so thrilled that they are so freaking cute and just as easy to do as 'sposies. Makes me not so guilty of a momma.

23. Hulu.

24. The holidays and holiday breaks. Perk of being in the lowest paid profession that requires a Master degree. So don't be messin' with our breaks. You can't afford what we are truly worth!

25. Am I done? My 25th is - I am thankful this list is done. I like being grateful and all, but my ribs hurt. And my kids are putting on the play-from-hell tomorrow complete with sewn costumes and masks, yet they can't seem to face the audience nor stop themselves from running into each other. Wish us luck.

Prayers Please

My friend Amy and I team teach Sunday School at our church. Today we learned that one of the little girls in our class passed away. We are not sure of the details of her death, but we are both very upset, as is the church community. Leona was beloved by all and held a special place in our hearts.

Please pray for my church community, Leona's dear family and for Amy and I as we figure out the best way to help our little munchkins process and understand the death of their friend.

Quick Update

I may seem like a total blog slacker, but I did do a post which I can't seem to finish because it has a video of my cute kiddos and stupid Blogger won't upload it. So I did write, you guys just haven't see it. So there.

Here is some random updates from the home front:

1. I am finally feeling better! YAY! I figured out that I need to eat by 6:30 each morning or there is big, big trouble. Now that I figured that out, my weekends have been more productive (I was throwing up all Saturday and Sundays - it was tons of fun). My back is still causing be trouble, but I have my man slave to help with that, and I still hate me some vegetables.

2. I bought a doppler. Or rather I am renting one. Best $20/month I have ever spent. I was really feeling stressed (and that's not good for the baby AT ALL) about Nugget's health so I bought one and the first time we heard that sweet sound it was amazing. Alleviated all my fears. I don't use it every day, actually I've used it only once since getting it last week, but for someone who has had a miscarriage, you KNOW the worst can happen and anything I can do for myself to enjoy this pregnancy I will do.

3. We were eating out almost every night because I don't have the energy to cook after work nor does anything really ever sound great to me. So one of us would just pick up food on the way home depending on what I wanted to eat that very minute. Not good on the wallet. So we've started doing Dinner's Ready which is so simple, healthy and tastes amazing.

4. Nesting began last weekend. Our house was a disaster so I scrubbed from top to bottom after church. First time I felt the energy to do so and now little things out of place or disorganized are driving me insane. We've started the nursery so that is helping but man, man slave better get used to cleaning and fixing and de-cluttering!

4. For our four year wedding anniversary, Jason bought me/us a 3D/4D ultrasound that I enjoyed last Saturday. It was to check on Nugget's health as well as the sex. Well, we found out and we are having a very hyper, very cute little BOY!!! We've named him Noah Jackson and we are absolutely obsessed. I have pictures of our rejoice-0ver-a-penis party but no time to upload so I will someday. Here is a bad picture my dad took on his iPhone.


Knowing and seeing him move and suck his thumb and yawn and mess with his little wienie has helped my bonding so much. I really was not bonded at all with him, I must admit, because I was so terrified of losing him. But now I am so in love - he is the cutest baby I have ever seen! It totally transformed McSexy as well, because he really for the first time understood that there was a HUMAN inside of me. HIS human. HIS baby. That night after the ultrasound and our penis party, he said, "This was the best day of my life!" He also said (write this down hubbands!), "I am more in love with you than I have ever been. You are absolutely amazing for growing Noah. It is a miracle." He rubs and kisses Noah all the time and went crazy clothes shopping! Plus, he realized with all that kicking that the little guy was doing that I really was in pain! The tech said he was super hyperactive! Lol.

We are very excited, albeit still non-stop busy, and so thrilled. It sometimes seems that this is really going to happen for me now :)

How am I ever going to breastfeed...

...when just a towel brushing my nipples makes me double over?? Just sayin'. I've always been a huge proponent of breastfeeding (big boo formula (unless there is a medical reason - I'm not a total idiot, people)) but holy moley, if my boobs keep getting bigger and sorer, there is no way that baby is getting anywhere near them. Not going to rest his little Nuggety head on them and CERTAINLY not going to put those little wolverine lips around them.

Will they pop if they get any bigger? I am seriously worried about this! Anytime I take my bra off at night I start moaning and sucking in air like I've stubbed my toe. For those of you who have been lucky (or unlucky) enough to see them in real life (Amy, Becky), you know what I mean. It is getting to the point where my bra plus shirts do nothing to hide my cleavage. I am going to need to take a shopping trip soon (if I ever feel good enough or energetic enough or have any time with school starting TOMORROW AHHHH I CAN'T BELIEVE IT IS SCHOOL ALREADY I AM NOT READY HELP ME!!!) Oooooops. Did that slip out?

I also need more pants or at least a belly band. I have started (yes, at 12 weeks) to need to use a hair thingy to wrap around my pant button. My shirts will last a while yet.

I also must be feeling bad about getting fatter, because I keep having these dreams about McSexy either cheating on me or all of a sudden confessing to all these random liaisons before our romance began almost 8 years ago. If you know my hubband AT ALL, you know that 1) he is probably the last man in the world who would ever cheat and 2) he was a total prude and definitely didn't have anything resembling a sexual fling with anyone before he met me. Actually, you might say he was clueless as to any "thing" any girl had for him and I basically had to hit him over the head with a baseball bat to get him to realize I liked him. So, anyway, I wake up most mornings in a panic...aaaaand then turn over and whisper threats into his ear as to what exactly I will do if I ever hear of any wandering ways. Brahahahahaha.

BUT. I love my baby and Nugget is worth it. Just sayin'.

Suck It

Since I have quite a few friends breastfeeding or currently breastfeeding, and since I am now back to work and life is crazy hectic and I have no time for an official post, I thought I would share this.



Enjoy.

We gon find you

McSexy and I love to laugh together. If these walls could talk, they would probably be too embarrassed to repeat the weirdness that goes on in this house. We laughed and laughed and laughed when we found these videos. We even made up our own dances and lyrics (some including Alice) to go along with the music. Maybe someday I'll post them :)

Watch the first one first, second one second (in case you didn't catch that by the way I placed them in the blog). But you have to watch them both :)

Just like daddy

We had our ultrasound. My friend Aja went with me since McSexy is gone. Nugget is ginormous! Here is his first photo:


He is measuring perfectly at 8 weeks 4 days so the due date is the same (March 21st). His heart rate was 174. He is facing down so that big blob you see at the bottom is his big round head! He looks JUST LIKE DADDY! hahahahaha. He has a big potbelly, was moving around (especially when we were talking about mashed potatoes), and moved his little nublet of a leg. He is a dancer, just like Daddy!

Very happy and my fears are abated :) And now I am feeling sick again. Which is very good. I think Nugget was just being a troublemaker and wanted some extra TLC and to show off how cute he is already. I gave him a firm lecture about never doing that again and then rewarded him for his growth by feeding him Burgerville.

Thanks for the prayers and thoughts :)

Slight panic

So, remember how I was feeling super crappy? Starting yesterday, I really started feeling better. Very little nausea though last night my boobs still looked ginormous. Haven't checked this morning.

Boo for me.

I am panicking. With Wild Thing I had such a drastic loss of symptoms - I am worried that this is the case with Nugget, too, and indicates that he died in there.

Should I call the doctor? Jason has been back at OSU this whole week and won't be home until tonight so I am scared to go get an ultrasound by myself. But I am also scared to not get an ultrasound.

I keep trying to calm myself down - remember that God is in charge, there is little we can do that we haven't already done, and if he has flown to heaven, then what else is there? It took me longer than with Wild Thing, but after the ultrasound heartbeat I've really started to bond with Nugget. I love him. I would be devastated if he didn't make it. It seems like a cruel joke to give us the joy of a heartbeat and a much lower risk of miscarriage and then take it all away. I already have my nursery curtains and the whole nursery idea board. I have my Babys R Us and Wishpot registry.

I don't think I psychologically/emotionally make it another two weeks to see Dr. Farley and hear Nugget's heartbeat.

If I hadn't lost Wild Thing, then I don't think I would be freaking out like this. I feel damaged and like this pregnancy is almost tainted by my miscarriage. I can't even begin to allow myself to feel the pure joy that a first healthy pregnancy brings because I am afraid that it will be taken all away.

I know I am not supposed to live with a spirit of fear, and I have been fighting it, but I am really anxious right now.

What should I do?

Some solutions

Thanks, peeps, for all your awesome suggestions to my little nausea problem. I have found what works for me, I think. This is going to be a boring post, BTW, but I thought I would just share what I have found helps me in case it can save anyone else.

1. Sea bands. These have actually really, really helped. I look like an '80s jazzerciser but, I'll take one for the team. My team. Because I am the only one on this team. No one else cares.

'Cept my bands are black. And this isn't from the '80s. That there is Heidi of (no longer) Speidi, one of the saddest excuses for a human that ever existed. Thought we could all have a good laugh at her expense. Now that Heidi and Spencer are no more, who is going to make us feel better about ourselves?

2. Wake up early, 'cause I have until 11:30 to get stuff done. At 11:30, it is all downhill. We'll see how my 12:00 yoga goes today (wish me luck).


3. No more McDoubles or Nuggets. Or mac and cheese. Or Taco Bell. Boo. If I stick to a diet of toast, peanut butter, fruit and plain greek yogurt, it seems to really help. I even managed a glass of low-sodium V8 yesterday. Yay me.

4. Stay far, far away from restaurants. McSexy is devastated that Mexican food is turning my stomach, because it is our go to indulgence, but truly, the thought of most restaurants (Mexican or otherwise) totally repulse me. Okay, can't even type about it more, because I might go puke.

5. Exercise. It seems counter-intuitive, but walking the dogs and walking the loop at the dog park helps so, so much. It helps relax me, the sun feels wonderful and the fresh air is a natural cure-all. The dogs are exhausted from all the exercise, which is another amazing perk.

6. Water, water, water. My friend Laura keeps emphasizing this to me, and it is so true, I am so freaking thirsty and drink all the time. And pee all the time. The ginger ale and pomegranate Izzes worked for a day or so, but now the carbonation is upsetting my stomach. So back to water.

Okay, peeps, ta ta for now! Remember, I have until 11:30 to get stuff done!

We are renaming the baby.

He is no longer baby Nugget. He is baby McDouble.

Because McDoubles are CRACK COCAINE. I can't help myself from moaning when I eat them. I snuck one into the movie theater and as my eyes rolled back in my head as I ate it, our friend Rey looked at McSexy like, "Holy shit." M.S. just shrugged, like, "What can you do?" Was I embarrassed? No, I was HAPPY. Then I pulled from my purse my smoothie and my fries, which also made me happy and McSexy MORTIFIED.

Besides my obsession with McDoubles, the last week has been super rough in terms of feeling like a truck hit me. I am not at all complaining, because morning/all day sickness reassures Nugget is growing and that I am still pregnant, but I am really starting to get down on my sick stomach. I don't have the extreme food aversions that I had with Wild Thing, but I cannot fathom eating vegetables. Luckily I can eat fruit (peach applesauce so good yum yum yum), but also depend on alot of plain carbs (toast, french fries, baguettes, tortillas, plain pasta, etc.).

I am trying all the regular remedies - eating crackers (especially in the middle of the night and when I wake up), REAL ginger ale, and even preggie pops, which actually helped alot and helped me make it through a wedding yesterday and actually enjoy myself.

Is there anything else to try? I have two weeks off before we go back to get ready for next year and I am hoping to feel good enough to really get my teaching things organized, complete my errands that I never seem to get to when the school year starts and hit the gym regularly. I would like to stomach some healthier food because I feel so guilty stuffing Nugget/McDouble with well, Nuggets and McDoubles.

Help me.

Mini-Vacays Part 1 and How Pregnancy Changes Marriage

I've decided to break this post into 2 or more because I don't want to freak you guys out by how busy and awesome I am.

Our first big trip of the year was Memorial Day weekend camping with our good friends the Clevelands. We camped in Prineville and while the weather was iffy, the spot was GORGEOUS. I forgot my camera so here are some I hijacked some of Facebook. I can't find the best one of all the girls, so I'll just post what I have.

I would like y'all to notice Amy in the blue to the far right. She is dancing. All by herself. 'Nough said about what went on that night! I love this girl! Always entertaining!

Our gorgeous spot! We had 8 dogs on this trip so it was the perfect trip for me!

Our next trip was to Cannon Beach with our friends Eric, Aja and Bentley. The weather was beautiful, the food was amazing and the company perfect. The dogs are best friends, so it really was a blast to watch them run and play with eachother. I love the beach!

Poor Madison can't be off leash because she is a bird hunter and deaf. So daddy walks her back and forth while the big dogs run free. Sadness.

Happy dirty boy.

Boo Boo is a tired boy!

This is me. And my boobs - Trouble and Troublemaker. They are OUT. OF. CONTROL. And I wasn't even pregnant here.

Eric found an enclosed beach where Maddie could run off leash. Isn't she beautiful?

I am so glad my son-bear has the mental capacity to discover this buoy and entertain himself for hours. Isn't he so bright and intelligent? Most little son-bears don't have that sort of intelligence but he is GIFTED.

Take note of the way he uses his agile paws to manipulate the buoy. Gifted.

This was a very coveted, VERY valuable stick the boys found.

Looking at this picture, I realize that it is a MIRACLE that I ever got married. I'm sorry, that stick was just TOO exciting. I couldn't contain it.

I love my stick!

Boo is looking at me like I am a freak. But whenever Maddie is off leash, Daddy and I have to take turns chasing her up and down the beach to make sure she doesn't get away!

And that takes us through June at least. Are you overwhelmed by how exciting and cool my life is? I know.

In other news, morning/afternoon/evening sickness has begun to kick in full force. McSexy has been down at OSU the past week finishing up HIS LAST PRE-MED CLASS! Thank you, Lord, that it is almost all over with and we can start applying. But I have been a single mom to the babies, super sick/tired, and working full time. My house is a disaster, I haven't showered LITERALLY in four days (will you still be my friends?), all I eat is Taco Bell, the dogs are wild from half the walks, and I had to leave the last day of summer school early so I wouldn't have to puke in the disgusting preschool bathroom.

So I get this call earlier today from ManSlave.

M.S.: Um, honey? When is Karen's wedding tomorrow?
Me: 5:30 but we have to be there at 4:45 (so I can manage the guest book and kung foo anyone who tries to break in without scrawling a thoughtful note to my sweet friend Karen. Karen picked me and my friend Becky because we are especially loud and obnoxious and will get.that.job.done!).
M.S.: Okay, well, can I go play basketball with Ryan in the morning around 10???

Silence.

Me: ARE YOU FREAKING JOKING ME?
M.S.: Oh, okay, yea, okay, that's what I thought, nevermind then.
Me: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FREAKING JOKING ME!
M.S.: Oh, okay, honey, I'm coming home right home right now, sorry, honey.... Well, maybe we can work out together tomorrow then.

Silence.

M.S.: Okay then, well, I'll see you soon, honey. And what do you think about a beautiful new dress?

Put a fork in him. He is so done. Welcome to pregnancy, babe.

Recap

My last week of teaching summer school is this coming week, and then I have two weeks off before starting up again full time mid-August (still should be pretty low key because the kids don't come back until after labor day). I cannot believe the summer has flown by so quickly. Even though I love my troublemakers, I don't think I'll volunteer for summer school again. Teachers need their vacations or they would go insane!

Since I am experiencing a healthy dose of morning sickness (or should I say evening sickness?), I thought this would be a good time to catch up on some belated blog postings.

I'll start with the monstrosity of a baby shower. This shower was for my dear friend Aja (mom of Bentley) and baby Bella. The colors were pink, white and brown with a Sister Bear theme (the Berenstain Bears were Aja's (and my!) favorite childhood books. It was huge shower (around 40 people) and we went ALL out! I was lucky enough to have Aja's friend Mandi (who just happens to be a wedding planner) as a co-host and we are both about equally anally retentive, so I am very happy with how it all turned out. Enjoy the pics!

The entry featuring a cocktail table, the candy table and the guest book. There were more cocktail tables outside.

The guest book table.

The candy table had a banner that featured "Too Much Junk Food" which is the title of a Berenstain Bear book. We had cupcakes, rice crispy treats, strawberry jello squares and all sorts of pink, white and brown candy. We also provided clear favor bags for guests to take treats home.

The chocolate fountain. Guest could dip marshmallows, oreos, pretzels and fruit into the chocolate. The kids were obsessed with this!

The snack table. Thank you, Costco, for having the best party food ever!

The drink table. We had raspberry lemonade (spiked with champagne for the non-preggies) and water. I took the labels off of all the water bottles and McSexy and I made new labels out of beautiful pink papers. I am so glad I have a man-slave.

My favorite decor piece (besides the candy table) was the custom straws. I printed little labels to go on each straw and they were so cute! We served the drinks in canning jars which were cheap, reusable and a little bit rustic. Please don't even ask about the last minute fiasco involving NO ONE selling pink straws (I heart you, Walgreens!)

The food table, chocolate fountain and drinks. Mandi's dad made a gorgeous backdrop for the drink table involving hanging canning jars filled with flowers and candles. It was beautiful!

The gifts! We secretly collected baby pictures of Aja and her hubby Eric and framed them above the fireplace. MY IDEA was to take their baby pictures, use that website that lets you find out what your progeny will look like, morph Aja and Eric's pictures and BLOW IT UP over the fireplace as the centerpiece to the whole shower. That was nixed by Mandi but I swear, it would have made the whole shower. At least for me.

Faithful secretary Becky recording the gifts. We had each guest bring a treasured children's book (in place of a card) to build baby Bella's collection.

Super fun game where you chug liquid through a baby bottle. May the best girl (Laurel!) win! (Might I also point out that all the participants were teachers! Teachers will do anything for fun!)

Pacific University ladies. Some are my grad school girlies, most are my ELC co-workers including THE-BEST-BOSS-IN-THE-WHOLE-WORLD Shelley. We put an insert in the invites asking everyone to wear pink and white so everyone would coordinate with the decor (did I mention anally retentive?) which looked BEAUTIFUL!

Mommy Aja and myself. Thank you, Aja, for being such a caring and devoted friend. You are going to make the best mother EVA and I love you so much!

The shower was a blast to put on (you can see all the pictures here)! I have done showers in the past, but they have been pretty basic, so on this one I wanted to go all out with detail and impact! I think we succeeded! Now that I have done one monstrosity, I think that the next ones will be easier to do as I know exactly which details make the party and which ones to leave out. Though McSexy has made me promise to not commit to hosting any showers for quite a while because I think it almost put him in the grave!

Next post, I'll talk about some of my mini-vacations this summer!