I am never going to make it.

I am so freaking bored. Thank God I have good friends and family that are bringing me food, treats, books and even loaning me a Kindle (thanks Ashley!) They are also attempting to spend time with me, which I am sure is hard because I have nothing interesting to say most of the time.

It is funny what the mind does when you are left alone for long stretches with not much mental stimulation and nothing physically active to keep you busy. I used to be really into working out (2 hours a day in college - oh, those were the days) and also got into triathlons a little bit later, but then with grad school and teaching, I had to cut back my workouts to only a few times a week. I am DYING to get back on the treadmill and lift weights. DYING. Even swimming or riding the recumbent bike would work for me. I am so thankful that I can walk alongside Jason and the pups for 10 minutes a day. My job is also very stimulating and busy - I would come home with work most nights and keeping up with and meeting the learning needs of 20 five-year-olds is a huge mental challenge, which I loved. Plus my kids are super funny and entertaining, so my world is so much more interesting when I am at work. I am begging my friends to bring me grading, which is totally psycho, but I seriously would pay to look at cute little handwriting and read their cute little stories.

My saving grace is McSexy. Without him, I would die. I know I must be terribly boring and a pain to wait on, but he never complains, and sits around with me all evening, even though I know he wants to go to the gym or get out and about. I count down the hours until he gets home, partly to hear him talk about Noah and how excited he is (okay, and maybe to hear about how pretty I am and to get the sweets he brings me). He says that all he is going to do when the baby gets here is hold him and change his diapers and play with him. He can't wait. I try to keep that image in my head, of him with the baby, of us with the baby, to get through the days, because I am having a hard time imagining or getting excited about Noah actually arriving (which is so horrible to say, I am going to Hell, ugh). I am not sure why. I want him here so bad, but I also feel like I should be more bonded to him than I am. I guess partly that I STILL don't want to bond, or am afraid to bond, until I actually have him in my arms and we are both intact and whole. I still think that this can't really be happening to me, that my body will still fail me completely, and something will happen to him, especially since the pregnancy has been so physically rough. Is this normal or just a constant side effect of my baby I lost? I dunno. I don't doubt that I will be completely obsessed with him once he is here (um, have you seen me with my DOGS???) but I feel like I should be more obsessed with him NOW. I am not scared of being a parent or that I won't know what to do or be incompetent (3 1/2 years of infant caregiving and nannying removed that feeling I think completely) so I am not quite sure what it is. I think just not trusting that he will be healthy and maybe partly that even when this is SUPPOSED to be over, it won't be over, at least pain wise, because of the c-section and all that.

I am not complaining, just processing. Okay, maybe complaining a bit. And counting down the minutes (4 more weeks give or take). Oh, Lawdy.

Bedrest, you suck

I hate bed rest. There was a time (like every June at the end of the school year) where I, like many others, would say, "Sweet! A few months off of work! WHO could complain about THAT?" So it might seem crazy to some that this period of forced down time is being met with dread and despair. The problem is that, #1, unlike a regular vacation, I can't spend my time running errands, getting ready for Noah, or indulging in pedicures and coffee dates with friends (i.e. doing anything worthwhile or fun); #2, All of my friends are now back to work from the holidays and my Man Slave will be back to work tomorrow so I have no one to visit me or love me; #3, I am in near constant pain from my uterus, back, ribs, heartburn, etc. There is never a time where I am comfortable, except when I am walking around my neighborhood during one of my allotted 10 minute walks a day or sleeping; and #4, I love my job, miss my job, and worry about my kids and how they are doing without me.

And though I know this is just a blip of time, I am dying and time is creeping by sooo slowly. I feel worthless, sluggish, achey and pissed. I want this baby freaking OUT of me.

I thought y'all would enjoy hearing my bedrest schedule since it is so interesting. This is a TYPICAL day, changing, you know, based upon what is on T.V. or what goodies my friends have brought me the previous day.

7:30 ish: Wake up. Lie in bed while Jason feeds the dogs.
7:35: Wait and listen for Maddie to run upstairs for cuddle time. She usually likes to frantically let me know that she just had her delicious breakfast by rubbing her face all over me, so I spend a good ten minutes kissing her. We talk about our plans for the day.
7:45: Kiss and talk to Duke.
8:00: Get up and open my window. This helps give the day some structure and lets my body know that it is time to get up so that I don't feel like I am in solitary confinement.
8:00: Eat breakfast. Make sure not to lie down for AT LEAST 20 minutes after breakfast to prevent heartburn.
8:10: Think about cheesecake.
8:15: Think about how I am going to get myself said cheesecake.
8:20: Notify Man Slave of desire for cheesecake. Make a mental note of when he says he'll be able to bring me cheesecake.
8:25: Check DVR. Check email. Check Facebook. Maybe watch the Today show, Housewives of Orange County, Toddlers in Tiaras, Sarah Palin's Alaska or some other mind-numbing series.
9:00 ish: Wake Alice up and kiss her her squishy face. Take a bath and let her run around. Read in tub.
9:10: Rescue Alice from the tub (she falls in once a day). Good thing I am a lifeguard. Towel her off and scold her.
9:15: Stare as Jason runs in, swirls his fingers in the tub to check the temperature and then runs out. I am not trying to boil my baby, Sweets.
10:00: Get out of tub and give Alice a yogurt yummy.
10:05: Oil up my body so I don't get stretch marks and then put on one of my various maternity sweatsuits. This is my NEW one from Pea in the Pod that I got yesterday to wear to my doctor appointment Tuesday. Jealous much?


10:10-12:00: Read, watch Neflix, Hulu or the television. Make sure to adjust my maternity pillow and switch positions every ten minutes or so so my ribs don't fall out of place.
12:00: Call Jason and check on the status of my cheesecake. Eat something else like pineapple.
12:10: Call my mom to double check on what food she is bringing me at her next visit. Tomorrow is sour cream chicken enchiladas. Yum.
12:15: Stare at one of the 27 areas of my house that needs organization or deep cleaning. Think about when/how I am going to be able to do the organization or deep cleaning. Go back and lay down.
12:20: Kiss Maddie and Duke. Talk about how our day is going so far and ask them if they like the baby. Duke does not like the baby because he takes up too much room in the bed. Maddie thinks he is okay for right now.
12:25: Check my email and Facebook. Read or watch T.V. I try to spend most of the day downstairs on the couch as opposed to in bed so I'll have less trouble falling asleep at night.
1:00: Do a kick count and take a nap.
2:00: Watch T.V or read.
4:00: Check on the status of my cheesecake.
5:30: Eat the dinner that Jason either makes or brings me.
6:00: Ask about my cheesecake. Eat my cheesecake. Talk about LOUDLY how HAPPY my cheesecake makes me. Do another kick count because Noah likes cheesecake, too.
7:00: Tell Jason the things that need to be done around the house.
7:10: Take another bath with Alice.
8:00: Get ready for bed and read.
9:00: Go to bed.

Now, doesn't that sound fascinating?!! Screw Sarah Palin, they should make a reality series about MEEEEEEE!