Slight panic

So, remember how I was feeling super crappy? Starting yesterday, I really started feeling better. Very little nausea though last night my boobs still looked ginormous. Haven't checked this morning.

Boo for me.

I am panicking. With Wild Thing I had such a drastic loss of symptoms - I am worried that this is the case with Nugget, too, and indicates that he died in there.

Should I call the doctor? Jason has been back at OSU this whole week and won't be home until tonight so I am scared to go get an ultrasound by myself. But I am also scared to not get an ultrasound.

I keep trying to calm myself down - remember that God is in charge, there is little we can do that we haven't already done, and if he has flown to heaven, then what else is there? It took me longer than with Wild Thing, but after the ultrasound heartbeat I've really started to bond with Nugget. I love him. I would be devastated if he didn't make it. It seems like a cruel joke to give us the joy of a heartbeat and a much lower risk of miscarriage and then take it all away. I already have my nursery curtains and the whole nursery idea board. I have my Babys R Us and Wishpot registry.

I don't think I psychologically/emotionally make it another two weeks to see Dr. Farley and hear Nugget's heartbeat.

If I hadn't lost Wild Thing, then I don't think I would be freaking out like this. I feel damaged and like this pregnancy is almost tainted by my miscarriage. I can't even begin to allow myself to feel the pure joy that a first healthy pregnancy brings because I am afraid that it will be taken all away.

I know I am not supposed to live with a spirit of fear, and I have been fighting it, but I am really anxious right now.

What should I do?

Some solutions

Thanks, peeps, for all your awesome suggestions to my little nausea problem. I have found what works for me, I think. This is going to be a boring post, BTW, but I thought I would just share what I have found helps me in case it can save anyone else.

1. Sea bands. These have actually really, really helped. I look like an '80s jazzerciser but, I'll take one for the team. My team. Because I am the only one on this team. No one else cares.

'Cept my bands are black. And this isn't from the '80s. That there is Heidi of (no longer) Speidi, one of the saddest excuses for a human that ever existed. Thought we could all have a good laugh at her expense. Now that Heidi and Spencer are no more, who is going to make us feel better about ourselves?

2. Wake up early, 'cause I have until 11:30 to get stuff done. At 11:30, it is all downhill. We'll see how my 12:00 yoga goes today (wish me luck).


3. No more McDoubles or Nuggets. Or mac and cheese. Or Taco Bell. Boo. If I stick to a diet of toast, peanut butter, fruit and plain greek yogurt, it seems to really help. I even managed a glass of low-sodium V8 yesterday. Yay me.

4. Stay far, far away from restaurants. McSexy is devastated that Mexican food is turning my stomach, because it is our go to indulgence, but truly, the thought of most restaurants (Mexican or otherwise) totally repulse me. Okay, can't even type about it more, because I might go puke.

5. Exercise. It seems counter-intuitive, but walking the dogs and walking the loop at the dog park helps so, so much. It helps relax me, the sun feels wonderful and the fresh air is a natural cure-all. The dogs are exhausted from all the exercise, which is another amazing perk.

6. Water, water, water. My friend Laura keeps emphasizing this to me, and it is so true, I am so freaking thirsty and drink all the time. And pee all the time. The ginger ale and pomegranate Izzes worked for a day or so, but now the carbonation is upsetting my stomach. So back to water.

Okay, peeps, ta ta for now! Remember, I have until 11:30 to get stuff done!