Wonderful Wife

Don't think I am a biatch for posting this, kay?

I often plead to my girlfriends to please let me know when I start to let myself go. I see many older women scrounging around with crazy hair and no make-up, screaming at their husbands, and while I don't judge because I don't know their circumstances, it does offer a little reminder to put at least five minutes into the way I look and act.

That being said - I love a good pair of sweatpants just like the next woman and have been known to be a scruff muffin when times get busy (aka. grad school). But here are some tips/rules that I fall back on when I find hair in a pony tail one too many times:

1. Ask him what he likes. People often say, "Dress for yourself! Why should you care what he likes?!" Well, because I am not the one looking at me! Sometimes, this doesn't work. My husband, while relatively fashion conscious for a man, will constantly tell me, "You look great!" when I know my back fat is draping out over my bra. Despite me screaming, "MY BACK FAT IS DRAPING OVER MY BRA! DON'T LIE, ITS RIGHT THERE! GRAB IT! SEE IT? SEE IT? SEE IT?" I know Jason isn't lying, he is just a boy, and really guys are just appreciative to be around women. Period. Same reason husbands never notice when you have a huge chunk of green vegetable between your front teeth. They aren't looking that closely!

2. Dress like a whore. My friends are thinking, "Katie, you are full of it. Your favorite shoes are Crocs. Whores don't wear rubber Mary Janes." Okay. I am a relatively conservative dresser, but when I know my husband is coming home or we go out to dinner, I puff up my boobies, spray some perfume and flaunt what I got (in my Crocs). I also try to invest in relatively nice underware (mostly Christmas and birthday gifts and still comfortable) so that when those pants come off, he is not looking at a pair of granny panties, even if I am just changing. And my friends know about the notorious little shorts (holdovers from college) that I wore in the pre-married days to try to seduce my husband out of his virginity (oh I know, I am totally bad - I do regret it now. Sort of. And no, it didn't work). After you are married a while, it will take more effort to try to look sexy, but I think you should (as if anyone has ever cared about my opinion).

3. It takes just as long to put on a pair of jeans as it does to put on a pair of sweatpants. I remember this when I am tempted. But it is also important to be comfortable, so investing (when I say investing, I mean go to Marshalls) in a comfortable pair of nice jeans is important so you not only look cute, but also appear cute!

4. Smell good. And smell different. I am a very olfactory type of girl. Jason's cologne mixed with his special hubband smell seriously makes my usually high blood pressure drop and helps me relax and comforted. Same as my dogs' feet (weird, I know) but I love the smell of their little foot pads. Again, makes me very happy and calm. I think about this alot. When people get married, they start using the same laundry detergent and bath wash and shampoo. I think that that might somehow make them start to smell similar, and that in turn, cuts down on how alluring they smell to their mate. So I try to keep different body wash, shampoo, lotion, etc. from Jason so that we don't smell like each other.


5. Put on a bit of makeup. Even if it is just mascara, blush and lipgloss. Wearing makeup is one way that women are different then men and one way we can continue to be fascinating to our husbands. If your husband wanted to marry someone who didn't wear makeup, he would have married (or been in a long term, committed relationship with) a guy! As I write this, we had this conversation:

Jason: What is that stuff on your face?
Me (offended): My blush! I wear it to look like an effervescent angel!
Jason: Oh god.

6. Put on a smile. A happy wife means happy life, and if you are frowny for your husband on a regular basis, he will have a sad life. It's true. It is okay to be honest and true with your emotions (as I was during my little gardening temper tantrum yesterday) but if you are constantly complaining or nagging him, you won't be attractive to him.

7. Ask how you can best serve him. Ask him what is the one thing you can do to make his day easier. For Jase, the way to his heart is through his stomach. He loves coming home to a good dinner and doesn't even care what it is. So I try my best to meal plan and whip up easy, healthy dinners to feed my man. I am in no way saying that you should wait wait on your husband. They have two feet and two hands. We all know that Jason is my manservant and I hardly lift a finger. One thing I do do: make dinner.

8. Never berate him in public. Well, you really shouldn't berate him at home either, but when speaking about your hubby to others, always build him up and talk about his positive qualities. Marry the right guy who you are obsessed with (like me), and this shouldn't be a problem.

9. Build your brain. Be smart and have interesting things to talk about (and no, what is going on in the blogosphere is not interesting). Read novels, but also read things that challenge you as a professional that you can talk about with your husband. Watch documentaries. Follow politics. If you stay at home, volunteer somewhere. Share your passion and your smarts with your hubby. My husband says the first thing he fell in love with was my brain (are you sure it wasn't those shorts?) Use it, or lose it.

10. Be fun and humorous. Just. Like. Me.


All this coming from a girl who went to sleep with rat nest hair, zit cream on her face and in pajamas featuring camping dogs. I'm classy.