WHAT TO EXPECT (Part II)

What to expect on Misoprostol/Cytotec.

I had what they called a "missed miscarriage." My baby was dead inside of me, but my body really didn't know it, and went right along acting like it was pregnant. We waited a week for my body to actually start the miscarriage, and in that time I decided to try alternative means to try to get Wild Thing out. I knew that if all else failed, we would have to do a D&C (more on that later) and the emotional trauma of my baby getting ripped from me in surgery was not something I could handle at that point. I was praying that he was going to come out in the comfort of our home, with my husband and dogs beside me, where I could rest in my own bed and grieve as large and as loud as I needed to (again, not much of a public griever).

I'll backtrack a bit and say that my first instinct when they told me he was dead (remember? In the ultrasound-room-from-hell equipped with Phillipa, the-worst-ultrasound-tech-in-the-world) was to, "Get him out right now. I need him out RIGHT NOW." I told this to Jason over and over the first two days. In the first hours home, during the non-stop crying, I tried to punch my stomach to get him to come out and tried to bribe Jason to get him to punch my stomach (um...fail. If you know my husband, you can imagine his face when I said that). I couldn't bear to think that I was carrying around something DEAD inside of my body. After the first two or three worst days, my mind changed to where I almost didn't ever want him to come out. I knew he would have to eventually, but as long as he was still in me, I still had him (is this creepy?). By the time I had my D&C, I didn't want him taken from me, because then it would be like he had never happened, like I had never even had a baby, that I never was a mommy. Again, more on that later.

I regress. In an attempt to get my miscarriage going naturally, which the doctors had said would happen in a few days (hahahahahaha), my sister found me a cranial sacral massage therapist. Cranial sacral massage is a type of massage.... I can't really explain what they do, exactly, but it is supposed to be for severe physical or emotional trauma. The cranial sacral masseuse told my mother after my appointment that she didn't think cranial sacral would work for me because I was in too deep emotional pain and had too high anxiety. Oh. Fail.


She recommended I try an acupuncturist named Dawn-Starr Crowther. Her business is Jade River Healing Arts Center. I went to her, and she WAS AMAZING. She was the first medical provider to even ask how I was doing emotionally, to validate what I was feeling, to ask all the right questions and to make me feel like I was more than just a fragile patient (doctors and nurses will walk on eggshells around you when you go through a miscarriage). I guess that I felt that I finally had a partner to help me through this who actually cared about me. She thought for sure that with acupuncture, we could induce my miscarriage as well as help me with my emotional pain. She gave me hope for subsequent pregnancies - Eastern medicine we could try to both get me pregnant and keep me pregnant, as well as help with childbirth. After my first visit, I felt so much better emotionally. I had more energy, and while I was far from happy, I wasn't crying (score!) or feeling like I should run right back to my room as soon as I could. For the first time, I felt hope that I would be able to survive this. I luuurve you, Dawn-Starr.

But still no miscarriage. Wild Thing, even in death, was naughty and did not do as he was told. He obviously liked it in there. Our next step, after more waiting, was to try the miscarriage drug Misoprostol (also called Cytotec). Again, I was trying desperately to avoid the D&C. The drug is supposed to start contractions and expel the baby. Disclaimer: This is where some of the gross stuff comes out, so like I said in my previous post, you might want to end reading here. But if you want to really know what to expect on cytotec, read on.

This drug is Satan's bitch. Purty sure. I took my dose (just one big, honkin dose by mouth - some take several smaller doses, some take it vaginally) at around 1:00 in the afternoon. By 4:00, the cramping started, but still no bleeding. I felt pretty good if I laid down with a heating pad and was getting hungry. I hadn't eaten all day (whoever thought that I, of all people, would forget to eat? Proof positive that I was seriously effed up) so Jason went out and got some delicious Thai food to tempt me into eating. This was about 6:00. In the middle of munching, I got the worst nausea ever, and puked up bile in the toilet downstairs. Jason ran to get my nausea medicine the doctor had prescribed and I took a couple of those. I tried to eat a bit more, but the pain was increasing so I went up to lie down again (my bed has been my best friend these past few weeks fo sho). At about 7 the pain was so bad that I popped the vicodin that my doctor had given me. What helped, at least for me, is Jason rubbing my belly and the heating pad. I love you, heating pad. Heating pad was my other best friend. By 8:00, I was fast asleep. Still no blood.

At 9:15ish I woke up in a cold sweat. I knew that I was in trouble because the pain was HORRENDOUS and I felt so nauseous. I made it to the bathroom to go pee and there was a bit of blood on the tissue. I was so freaking sick. I started screaming for Jason, and he ran into the bathroom. I puked my brains out (bye, bye coconut-covered prawns) all the while having horrendous cramping, sweating, shaking. I was gripping the towel next to me and I remember looking right at my husband between pukes with sweat dripping down my back and telling him - "I AM NEVER DOING THIS EVER AGAIN." And I meant it. I knew, in that moment, that I never, ever wanted to be pregnant ever again.

Right after that, I had him get our trash can because whew wee, I knew I was going to have massive diarrhea. I switched to sitting on the toilet. So picture this, puking in the trash can, having blowout diarrhea in the toilet, and massive cramping/contractions. Not okay. This went on for quite some time. Jason gave me more vicodin and nausea meds, puked those right up. Now do you understand why Misoprostol/Cytotec is Satan's magical medical concoction? Finally, I stopped puking enough to hold down the drug and went back to sleep. I woke up in the morning still cramping, but NO BLEEDING.

WTF? Cytotec, you suck.