Preparing for Tomorrow

My parents, Grandma and sister came out today to have lunch and we went shopping at Gymboree (for baby clothes! for other people) and at REI to pick out a new backpack for me when I start school. I feel like a Kindergartner with all this stuff I have to get. I still need to go get a new first day outfit at Banana Republic, get a mystic tan and paint my nails. My sister just got her hair highlighted really blonde and it looks so good... I'm going to go lighter for the summer and her wedding, I decided. I think it will be cute/funny with my mom, Laura and I all blonde for the wedding pictures. It might take a few sessions, though, so hopefully I can squeeze in a session with Amy later this week.

Tomorrow ("next day" as the kids would say!) marks my last day with Nolan and Bella. I am having mixed emotions. I almost totally lost it on Friday, randomly, as we were heading to the library, but knew that if I started, Nolan would start, and Bella would follow him, and it would be a big mess and we wouldn't be able to enjoy our regular hike around the duck pond and time picking out books. I decided that I am going to write a children's book called, "Nanny, Why Do You Have to Go?" or something like that, because there is NOTHING for kids that explains or helps them deal with the loss of a nanny, and it is traumatizing for all involved. I don't know exactly how it is going to go, but it will include bits and pieces of the conversations that I have had with the kids, particularly about always loving them, even if I am not with them everyday, and always being best friends. Nolan and Bella are truly two of my best friends at this point - we spend so much time together and have so much fun that it will be like I am losing two of my best friends when I don't get to see them everyday. Jason suggested that we pick them up once a month to go out on a "date" to Out of this World Pizza or wherever they want to go so they can feel special and I have something to look forward to so I am not totally traumatized tomorrow. We'll see. I tried not to get too attached because I knew that this day would come, but you can't help it with kids like Nolan and Bella. They are so smart, and funny, and energetic, and creative, I couldn't help but be enamored. It was love at first sight, and I will always remember our first meeting and how I KNEW that I was supposed to take care of those kids. Anyway, I have to hit the hay, but I doubt I'll sleep soundly. I've been having near constant nightmares about Jason leaving me, or dying, or dissapearing in some way - and I know it is because we have been talking about med school alot and I am freaking out about the time commitment and him being away from me. But I also know, rationally, that med school is totally doable and we will only come out stronger in the end. I just want him to be happy, and he isn't happy at Intel anymore. He has always felt called to medicine, and he needs to do what he feels that God is pushing him to do, or he will always feel restless. It is just a long road...

Baby Name of the Day: Wyatt Cannon Furgison (Wyatt meaning "strong in war," Cannon for my mom's maiden name, and Furgison because that was the surname bestowed upon me by my lovely Irish husband!) Jason likes it, my mom, sister and I love it, and my Grandma "bleched" when she heard it. What do you think?